Although Princeton's PPIA program takes pride in the cultural competency of its participants, I'm sometimes shocked and even saddened when I have to prove the model minority stereotype wrong.

A report by NYU and the College Board also challenges the stereotype that Asian Americas are a homogeneous group of high achievers. Read more here.

I haven't been more compelled to blog while at Princeton than today. One, I've been swamped with so much work (they weren't joking when they said this fellowship was going to be intense, and for good reason), and two, I've been having trouble accessing wifi. But alas, the internet problem is fixed, and after watching "No End in Sight" and speaking with former Director of National Intelligence and Amb. Bob Hutchings, I've got the urge.

Aside from the amount of readings and stats and econ problem sets, I've had it easy. Princeton is like Pleasantville. The city is gorgeous as is the university. There's this sense of community, one of beauty, wealth and security. For example, I feel safe leaving my purse and laptop out when I go to the restroom. With this kind of fortune there's no need to steal. Or so I like to think. After all, the Woodrow Wilson School of Public Policy and International Affairs sits on a multi-million dollar endowment. We've been so privileged as to have all expenses paid including airfare, living and food costs, books, trips to NY, Philly and DC AND we even get a stipend.

And it's funny to think how easily I can blinded by such wealth and security. I mean, I still can't get over the fact that our "Brown Bag Lunches" with guest lecturers are lavish and catered, and since I've been eating with a knife and fork. Lately, I've been thinking about a post-grad swanky loft and lifestyle in SoHo. And then I watch a film like "No End in Sight" and remember why I'm here, and perhaps more importantly, where I want to go. The Iraq war angers and frustrates me, and deeply saddens me when I think of my cousin and best friend from middle school, both of whom are enlisted in the army, along with hundreds and thousands of others. I think about our government, the media, and our many distorted ways of thought and policies that reproduce injustices. And then I think about my privileges, to be here and part of such a phenomenal opportunity, full of resources, and the endless possibilities to do good that lay ahead, and I am so thankful and want to be responsible for working towards a socially-just world. One that recognizes violence is not the answer. One that celebrates respect, difference and dialogue.

Yesterday we had a former JSI participant speak with us, Teddy Warria. He said, "We need to make this place safe for freedom. And we need to make this place safe for diversity." YES. Those were such powerful words. He also said, " When you blaze a trail, make sure you leave a path." And he meant that when you do something well, teach others so that they too can succeed. As an international student, he wrote a book called "New Horizons" as a manual for students in his homeland of Kenya to apply to American universities. I think that's an extremely important lesson in our foreign policy. We've been reading about development and foreign aid policies, and so often the mistake is in giving, practically dumping band-aid solutions rather than investing in sustainable development. The power of education.

Time for dinner! They're taking us out to dinner..Indian! naan and veggie masala. mm.

the following was part of an email from my GSI
the class: International Rural Development: Agriculture, Industry, Development and the Rise of Social Movements (ESPM 165)
professor: eric holt-giménez, executive director of food first

Hey 165ers!

The semester is coming to an end and the workload is almost insane. But we all are realizing how high yielding (non GR!) this course harvest has been, huh? Then it is also time to celebrate!

We thought that it would be great to end our last day of class with a potluck! After all we’ve been talking about the importance of access to good healthy food and how wonderful it is to share this moment with others. So, let’s do it! What we don’t have in funding we might replace with creativity. Leonor will be bringing some nice treats from Food First and you are all invited to bring whatever you want: food, non alcoholic beverages, musical instruments, smiles and life histories. Let’s make it happen! Horizontal decision making process, decentralized power and celebration with food!

ooh i love berkeley.

my youngest sister brittney emailed me to say she's started her own blog and writes in it like it's her journal. sneakily, i tried looking it up but no luck. she said the setting's on 'private.' she's a wise one.

anyhow, i'm finding any thing and every thing to do to avoid my peace and conflict studies theory paper on the iraqi oil and gas law. i'm frustrated by the jargon we're supposed to use--" transformative agency," "critical reflexivity," "hybridization," "cosmopolitanism," "structuration," "counter dialectic," "geopolitical domination"..what does it all mean? it's making this paper more complicated than it should be and judging by all the red squiggly lines on my screen, microsoft word isn't appreciating it either.

i'm in berkeley and loving everything about it. wow, to think that the past two years have been the most life-changing and defining years of my life, im so excited to find what's in store here.

i moved into my new place, it's wonderful. the location is perfect, only two blocks from campus, the gym, shattuck and telegraph where all the major shops and eateries are, i can't ask for more. the apartment's great..big kitchen which was probably most important for me when searching for a place and my own room for the first time.
a little preview:

my huge desk..

this is bear territory..



and that 'tis my room! via my macbook photobooth. i would certainly have more pictures had my little sister tiffany rightfully return my digital camera.

anyhow, that's only the beginning of berkeley and how great it is..this past week was welcome week and it was so exciting. i thought twice about going to the chancellor's reception for new students, but decided i had nothing better to do, and i'm so glad i did because i met a handful of really good friends i'm hoping to get to know better, and it's so exciting because at that event i was a small fish in a sea of freshmen, and coi, do they like to swim in schools, all by my lonesome self, i go up to the president of the student body and tell him i'm interested and that i'm a transfer, and then i turn around and there's a group of transfer students and i feel like i'm in heaven. yayy. i was so excited to see other students, like me. hah. silly, but it was very comforting. their names are kathrine, hugo, dennie, beth and frances. we spent the next couple days of welcome week together..holy moly for all the free stuff they like to give away at cal. i think i have enough pens, highlighters, stickies, water bottles and notebooks to last me this school year. oh and there are a bajillion student clubs that i want to join and way too many list-servs that i signed up for, but having gone through them all i think i am most serious about the cooking club and kalx, the radio station on campus..sounds interesting. and surely i'll participate in all that political/social/environmental happenings on campus, that's just a given.

i have to remember to keep focussed on studies and know that i can't possibly do everything although i want to every time. oh, and about working! i'm a work-aholic and ive realized, i got a job as the communications assistant at Berkeley's Boalt School of Law, but turned it down because it's an actual job, which i was really pumped about having discussed the responsibilities, i just know this being my first semester, i should take it easy. bummer. but i did get accept a job as the office assistant for the Academic Senate, and hey it's clerical work, it's brainless but having interned for barbara, it needs to be done. and as my supervisor, terry said, i can save the brains for the studies. i'm liking the job already.

campus is beautiful, so many trees and lawns i'll be cozing with a book or two, and the town is epic. at the farmers market yesterday they had not only trash and recylble bins but compost bins! i'm going to work with the city on getting the same at my apartment complex. hooray. at the flea market, i got a bike for veinticinco dolares! 25 bucks, not too shabby i just need a good lock, and those cost a bit more, but i can't wait to explore more on wheels, the 2wheel kind. i'm so happy, i can't even sleep much because each day there's something new to look forward to, something new to be excited about. at the moment i'm sore but still really happy. i took my first kickboxing class at rsf (our rec sports facilities) and am aching all over. the good-youknowyou'redevelopingmuscles-and gettinginshape kine of sore. it just hurts.

the bay area is also beautiful. so much more to explore. dylan and i went to palomarin in pt. reyes, near bolinas, this really exclusive hippie beach community. we did some hiking and had a picnic at bass lake. i like dylan.

last night was a welcoming night, i hosted my first of what will be many dinner parties. i invited some of my new friends and my old, mariel (from ghs and pcc!) funny, we're all transfers, even my roommates ric and isa. and we cooked a spanish feast, paella and patatas bravas with alioli..oh it was so good and no one knew it was all vegan! even the alioli, typically a mayonaise-base, but i put my magic bullet to work and puréed firm tofu with olive oil and garlic and it tasted so much like the alioli from jaleo, mm garlic, and of course there was red wine to compliment the meal. :)

a little taboo..

and apples to apples, only the funnest game in the world with some seriously silly debating..


good food, music games and best of all, friends. splendid night.

i remember having moved in on my first day here, i was walking that sunday morning on university drive and it occurred to me that i'm in berkeley, and i'm not just here for a visit or a debate tournament or some kickass animal rights conference. i'm here because i'm a cal bear. i'm going to attend berkeley. i'm going to be living here for the next two years of my LIFE. everything i had learned and worked so hard for in the past six years has paid off, all those books about ecofeminism and cases i researched about the united nations that sparked my wanting to go to such a politicaly and socially progressive school like cal with a community so free and freethinking, now i'm here. and i'm party of the community. since high school i've wanted to come to berkely, it was my dream for so long and these past years have paid off for it..i can't ask for more, i'm living my dream.

i'm a bit exhausted, ready for school to finish. listening to elliot smith's a fond farewell and feeling reminiscent.
what a semester, what a year..what an experience but before i get into that..
i need to finish my papers for eng1c and polisci and ace spanish and soc exams. i'm just rambling..proof of exhaustion.
i want summer to be here. this weekend is going to be fun, lots of writing and coffee.
this friday is commencement, i'll be speaking.. very excited. i'll be able to share my thoughts on my two years at pcc, a place i've come to love. pcc's been great, i can't wait to see what's in store at berkeley. i need some motivation for my papers. and sleep. gnite.

Tommorrow is the big Borders of Diversity Student Conference. It's an annual event sponsored by PCC's English and Languages Departments, where students take lead and speak. Every hour there's a different panel of students who present papers, films, or speeches on behalf of an overarching theme, this year it's "Decolonizing the Mind: Liberating Language and Culture to Create a Just Society."

My English course on environmental ethics was chosen to be the first panel and possibly more exciting, (at least for me) I was chosen to be on the panel! I decided to forgo my paper on land ethics and global warming (both pressing issues of which got me chosen to be a panelist) and instead am going to be bold and try something different, presenting the connections between animals and women in advertisements and the subsequent harmful consequences, much of which was inspired by Carol Adams' The Sexual Politics of Meat.

The keynote speaker of the event is noted author, activist and UC Irvine Professor, Ngugi Wa Thiong’O. His political commentary in his 1977 play Ngaahika Ndeenda (I Will Marry When I Want) provoked the government of Kenya to order his arrest. While in prison, he wrote the first modern novel in his native language of G?k?y?, Caitaani m?tharaba-In? (Devil on the Cross), on toilet paper. He was released a year later and continues to write and lecture. read more.

What daring brilliance.

update: i just got my financial-aid award package, and it looks like Berkeley is giving me a full ride. this is tough because it's everything i've wanted and worked so hard for. i've waited for such good news for six years, and for some reason, i'm not as excited as i thought i'd be.

when i told my mom i got into berkeley her initial reaction prompted to ask why i wasted all that money and applied to so many schools if i wanted to go to DC. i was so shocked and hurt i didn't know how to respond.

i know my parents are happy for me, but i wish they would show it more, or even at all. everything is just expected. it's expected that i'll do well in school if i work hard. and it's expected that i'll work hard because my parents have just to put me in school.

i have to say that this makes me bitter. although it's ironic because i just came back from my sociology of the asian american class and i know where my parents are coming from, which i think sometimes makes this situation worse. the fact that i know there's so much struggle between immigrant parents like mine and first-generation children like me, yet can't seem to confront it with my own family. i always fall weak. you wouldn't believe it but i was struggling to keep my composure as i told my mom a "congrats" would have been much more appreciated. immediately after i stormed out of her room so that she wouldn't see my watering eyes.

maybe i'm selfish for wanting to hear my parents say, "connie, we're proud of you." i feel like if i push myself harder and farther i'll get some recognition or that simple approval. then i'd tell myself, "connie, you don't have to keep proving yourself."

i think that's why i'm hoping for that georgetown acceptance. because my parents have never heard of american university and all of their friends' kids have gotten into ucla and usc. so no biggie. but maybe, just maybe an acceptance into an ivy league will make them see different.

who am i kidding? at the same time i just want to shove all of these letters into my dad's face and say HERE. are you happy?! he already expected i'd get in to all of these schools. that wasn't his concern. his concern is that i stay close to home. umm. NO.

never did i think i'd write so negatively but i really had to get some of this out.

i don't know what to make of the shooting that occurred this morning at Virginia Tech. although marking the other side of the country it feels so close to home. to know that these individuals were students, sons and daughters, classmates, friends, all aspiring to learn and do good.. how does one comprehend such tragedy?

Sending my sincerest thoughts and heartfelt wishes to the family and friends of VT's lost loved ones.

American University in DC just sent me a letter explaining that I placed in the top 10% of their transfer applicant pool and has awarded me $40,000 for the span of my undergrad studies (four semesters/two years). That's a huge incentive attend even though I know there will still be much more to pay.

I really want to go to AU. I don't know why I'm so hung up about Georgetown (which is going to cost more). I figure the idea of attending an Ivy League will mean something.

I should just be happy that I have the privilege to obtain a higher education, and in all reality, I know I'll be happy wherever I go.